Today brings to a close my time in Kijabe. I decided I would take advantage of the view one last time to write this blog and reflect on my time in the hospital. It seems this month has brought about some tough lessons. It started with the blog about my loneliness. I spent the first two weeks in Kijabe completely alone in the afternoons and nights. The wind made so much noise at times I couldn’t sleep for fear. Other times it was so completely quiet, it was deafening. The time provided great times with the Lord as I was able to hear the “still, small voice”. Because of the loneliness, I spent most weekends in Nairobi at the SIM compound. I enjoyed the fellowship so much as it was something I do not have the opportunity for up country. Friendships were developed and strengthened and the loneliness was quenched. However, as I’ve heard… “Too much of a good thing…” became true.
This past week has rocked me. Emotionally and spiritually I fell apart. Since being in Kenya, I have been able to hold on to rational thoughts but this week that was no longer true. In this month, I have said goodbye to my mentor and her husband (my family in Kerugoya), my SIMpact friends, Kijabe, and more friends to come. And, received news that the opportunity of returning to Kerugoya is uncertain. Stability in my world was lost. I felt the Lord pull the carpet out from under my feet and this week has been the results of the long, unexpected fall. Today, there is perspective. (Praise the Lord). This month, I turned to friendships for support and stability. I looked to these relationships for joy to bite the pain of being alone. However, when those things end, as they all eventually will, we’re left with the same uncertainty and loneliness that we faced in the beginning. But, now it is magnified by feelings of being “left”.
The past two days the Lord has slowly been restoring my stability. Not in knowing the future, but in knowing who holds the future. My mother and I love to recite a song the choir sings, and it has been appropriate for my life this week. “One step He leads, and one step I”ll follow. He knows my needs and He will supply. I don’t know the future or all that’s in store, so I’ll take one step, one step, to follow my Lord.”
Yesterday as I was praying and questioning the next phase of this journey, I read Psalms 105. By no means did it really answer the questions but it provided clarity. “Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” (Psalm 105: 1-4). I was reminded that I have a purpose here. My time is not done and I am not ready to leave. Regardless of where I will be for the rest of the time, I will “make known among the nations what he has done.” When my focus turned from me and pitying myself, praises were free to pour forth. My heart was encouraged as I praised the Lord for this struggle. I will wait as He lays out the next step.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Definitely, So True
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“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.” (2 Corinthians 2: 14-15)
This past weekend was packed with travel, excitement, laughter, sorrow, questions, love, and reassurance. On Friday, four other SIMpacters and I left on a 10 hour bus ride to Uganda. Our agenda was to arrive in Jinja, Uganda Friday evening, stay in a hostile type hotel, raft the NILE on Saturday, and return to Nairobi on Sunday. Most of these things happened without any problems but there were a few changes to the plans. We did arrive in Jinja on Friday as scheduled and had the opportunity to hang out at the rafting headquarters that night. This provided our first conversations with Ugandan citizens. They were two girls who were just hanging out after work and provided useful information about language, tribes, and history in Uganda. Hope and Charity provided our first knowledge of the feelings of Christian missionaries in their country. But, I will get to that. I must rewind a little to express what was already consuming my thoughts by this point. After going through customs, we began the 2 or so hour drive through Uganda to our destination. At first it appeared just like Kenya with less trash lining the roadside. However, as we continued inward, I felt as though we were bombarded with noticeably more poverty and hopelessness. Beautiful women and children appeared everywhere, half dressed with swollen bellies and no shoes. Most of the houses were mud huts or houses made with handmade mud bricks. Very few material possessions and most were probably hungry. I stared out the window of the bus feeling drawn to these people. Instantly, I wanted to give all I could to improve their lives and change the current situation but, simultaneously, knowing that I could not offer enough material possessions to ever change their world. It was frustration as I questioned the Lord and missions altogether. I wondered why. I began to think that nothing could ever change this for these people. I continued on through the weekend battling these thoughts and questions. I knew the answer was the gospel but I couldn’t reconcile in my mind what that would change in the present tense. Eternally, their lives would be changed forever, but my mind and heart was still struggling with the here and now.
On Saturday we headed off to white water raft the White Nile. We were standing around waiting to be assigned a boat and a guide when one of the guides, Juma, approached me and told me that our group was to get in his boat. As we pushed off into the water, the small talk began. “Why are you in Uganda? What are you doing in Kenya? Oh, you’re missionaries?” Juma began to make many missionary jokes. He even tried to switch boats saying that it was “company policy that he was not to take missionaries in his boat.” We laughed it off and joked back before the rafting began. Little did we know at the time that Juma had some missionaries rafting in his boat a few weeks prior to us that shared the gospel with him. During our lunch break, he began asking questions, serious questions. The Lord opened the door for us to share our hearts and the gospel again to Juma. We found out later that there was actually another man on the trip who had a book for Juma that was sent from the previous missionary. It is completely amazing how the Lord works all things together. Juma did his best to test us that day as he flipped our boat most every rapid. The rafting was incredible and bigger and better than any rafting I’ve done in the States. I was even scared at one point and dared asked to get out of the boat for just one rapid. However, Juma refused and I am so glad now. I would venture to say that the appropriate description of what we did on Saturday in the Nile would be, white water swimming. We definitely swam more of the class 5 rapids than we rafted. Praise the Lord for his safety and sovereignty.
This brings us to Sunday, the return back to Nairobi. As with everything in Africa, there is no hurry. “Hakuna Haraka Africa!” (There is no hurry in Africa). As Austin, Katie, and I waited for the bus to pick us up, we had a lot of time to talk. I posed my questions from earlier in the weekend to them. We talked about what we have seen in Kenya and Uganda and our role as we serve. They both have been in Kenya for 9 months now and I felt as if they had dealt with this question at some point. We talked about those answers in which my heart knew were true. The importance of confirming eternity for these people and the hope that eternity could provide. However, Katie said it best when she stated it this way. “If all we can do is love, at least we can provide moments of joy, glimpses of heaven, for these people.”
I may not be able to change the world, but I can burn my candle out providing “moments of joy, glimpses of heaven” by taking the love of Christ to the world.
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[ I do ask that you continue to pray for this country as fighting continues in different areas. Currently, the area that I am usually in is struggling and living in fear. Pray that the God of all peace speaks out across the village. Pray for God’s protection over Grace and the girls as they are spread through out the district during school break.]
This past weekend was packed with travel, excitement, laughter, sorrow, questions, love, and reassurance. On Friday, four other SIMpacters and I left on a 10 hour bus ride to Uganda. Our agenda was to arrive in Jinja, Uganda Friday evening, stay in a hostile type hotel, raft the NILE on Saturday, and return to Nairobi on Sunday. Most of these things happened without any problems but there were a few changes to the plans. We did arrive in Jinja on Friday as scheduled and had the opportunity to hang out at the rafting headquarters that night. This provided our first conversations with Ugandan citizens. They were two girls who were just hanging out after work and provided useful information about language, tribes, and history in Uganda. Hope and Charity provided our first knowledge of the feelings of Christian missionaries in their country. But, I will get to that. I must rewind a little to express what was already consuming my thoughts by this point. After going through customs, we began the 2 or so hour drive through Uganda to our destination. At first it appeared just like Kenya with less trash lining the roadside. However, as we continued inward, I felt as though we were bombarded with noticeably more poverty and hopelessness. Beautiful women and children appeared everywhere, half dressed with swollen bellies and no shoes. Most of the houses were mud huts or houses made with handmade mud bricks. Very few material possessions and most were probably hungry. I stared out the window of the bus feeling drawn to these people. Instantly, I wanted to give all I could to improve their lives and change the current situation but, simultaneously, knowing that I could not offer enough material possessions to ever change their world. It was frustration as I questioned the Lord and missions altogether. I wondered why. I began to think that nothing could ever change this for these people. I continued on through the weekend battling these thoughts and questions. I knew the answer was the gospel but I couldn’t reconcile in my mind what that would change in the present tense. Eternally, their lives would be changed forever, but my mind and heart was still struggling with the here and now.
On Saturday we headed off to white water raft the White Nile. We were standing around waiting to be assigned a boat and a guide when one of the guides, Juma, approached me and told me that our group was to get in his boat. As we pushed off into the water, the small talk began. “Why are you in Uganda? What are you doing in Kenya? Oh, you’re missionaries?” Juma began to make many missionary jokes. He even tried to switch boats saying that it was “company policy that he was not to take missionaries in his boat.” We laughed it off and joked back before the rafting began. Little did we know at the time that Juma had some missionaries rafting in his boat a few weeks prior to us that shared the gospel with him. During our lunch break, he began asking questions, serious questions. The Lord opened the door for us to share our hearts and the gospel again to Juma. We found out later that there was actually another man on the trip who had a book for Juma that was sent from the previous missionary. It is completely amazing how the Lord works all things together. Juma did his best to test us that day as he flipped our boat most every rapid. The rafting was incredible and bigger and better than any rafting I’ve done in the States. I was even scared at one point and dared asked to get out of the boat for just one rapid. However, Juma refused and I am so glad now. I would venture to say that the appropriate description of what we did on Saturday in the Nile would be, white water swimming. We definitely swam more of the class 5 rapids than we rafted. Praise the Lord for his safety and sovereignty.
This brings us to Sunday, the return back to Nairobi. As with everything in Africa, there is no hurry. “Hakuna Haraka Africa!” (There is no hurry in Africa). As Austin, Katie, and I waited for the bus to pick us up, we had a lot of time to talk. I posed my questions from earlier in the weekend to them. We talked about what we have seen in Kenya and Uganda and our role as we serve. They both have been in Kenya for 9 months now and I felt as if they had dealt with this question at some point. We talked about those answers in which my heart knew were true. The importance of confirming eternity for these people and the hope that eternity could provide. However, Katie said it best when she stated it this way. “If all we can do is love, at least we can provide moments of joy, glimpses of heaven, for these people.”
I may not be able to change the world, but I can burn my candle out providing “moments of joy, glimpses of heaven” by taking the love of Christ to the world.
+042.jpg)
[ I do ask that you continue to pray for this country as fighting continues in different areas. Currently, the area that I am usually in is struggling and living in fear. Pray that the God of all peace speaks out across the village. Pray for God’s protection over Grace and the girls as they are spread through out the district during school break.]
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
My Redeemer Lives
This Easter Sunday was celebrated by a sunrise service up at RVA (Rift Valley Academy). There is a beautiful view overlooking the Rift from the field and that is exactly where the service was held. Most of the people present were Mzungus who are serving at the hospital, the academy, or Moffat Bible College. I am always amazed to see the number of families the Lord has mobilized just for Kenya alone. Anyway, the service was held at 6:30 and positioned right at the pretties overlook when the sun appeared. ( In Kenya the sun doesn't rise and set, it just appears and disappears.) The service began with worshiping through music and I remember thinking... "Is this really happening, am i really celebrating Easter in Kenya?" I pray I will never forget. The message focused on the importanceof the resurrection. And, it drove home the idea that without the resurrection, the crucifixion is nothing more than death, it would never have counted as our sacrifice. It still blows my mind that millions of people move and leave their home to go and tell others about the events we celebrated this weekend. That millions of people all over the world are battling the powers of darkness on behalf of people in foreign lands. I still have trouble understanding, that because of the resurrection, people in countries all over the world will send their hard earned money to another land in homes of spreading the gospel.
After the service we went into the "fireside" room for a potluck breakfast. There was tons of food and I am still impressed that people were able to make some of those things in Kenya. I made homemade banana crumb muffins and they were divine! There was actually a fire burning, and I am certain that is the first time I've stood by a fire and chatted on Easter Sunday. The service was simple. No Easter lillies, crosses, or fancy dresses not even pews or chairs. I am learning what it is to be ushered into the presence of our Lord. Right there on that mountain side, I was able to sit at the feet of my Savior and friend. I missed the beautiful service this past sun day and I missed Handel's "Messiah" but I still joined you all at the throne of Jesus. I do pray that I might celebrate many more Easter holidays on this continent! Praise God, my redeemer lives!
After the service we went into the "fireside" room for a potluck breakfast. There was tons of food and I am still impressed that people were able to make some of those things in Kenya. I made homemade banana crumb muffins and they were divine! There was actually a fire burning, and I am certain that is the first time I've stood by a fire and chatted on Easter Sunday. The service was simple. No Easter lillies, crosses, or fancy dresses not even pews or chairs. I am learning what it is to be ushered into the presence of our Lord. Right there on that mountain side, I was able to sit at the feet of my Savior and friend. I missed the beautiful service this past sun day and I missed Handel's "Messiah" but I still joined you all at the throne of Jesus. I do pray that I might celebrate many more Easter holidays on this continent! Praise God, my redeemer lives!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Growing up is Hard to do!
Growing up has become a process of lessons to I have had to learn. And, at times it seems I revisit some of the teachings. Being in Kijabe this past week, has pushed some of those issues into the forefront of my mind. One of those issues is loneliness. I have always been pretty independent and even hated that at times. But I realize now without the ability to travel through events and days alone, I would have never made it in Kenya. Not because everyone who comes is “Independent” but because the places and task that God has called me to in Kenya have forced me to rely on “Christ Alone”. So maybe a better definition of me has become dependent on the presence of our Lord. However, there are still times when the realization of being in a foreign country alone comes crashing things to a halt. A lot of times it the idea that there is no one to share your experiences with directly. If I see or hear something in a day, I can’t go home and tell someone. Or the fact that I am scared of the dark and have had to face many nights in Kijabe alone wondering if the noises I hear are just caused by wind or worse.
The worse experience was on Sunday when I was leaving Nairobi. I was blessed enough to be able to spend the weekend with a SIM family from Georgia. It was completely spontaneous but turned out to be a really encouraging time for me. As I sat on the matatu heading back to Kijabe I realized that no one in Kijabe would be waiting for me to return. In a flash, I sunk into serious self pity. It became easy to think of how it would be back home and who would be waiting for my arrival in Senatobia (i.e. Mother!). Tears came to my eyes and I was dreading returning to Kijabe. It was extremely strange because I loved my week at the hospital and had no reason to not want to go back. I began to pray that the Lord would forgive me and remind me of his presence, that God would remove the fear and lies of satan so that I could hear clearly. Within the hour, the Lord had removed the cloud of darkness and reminded me of the joy to be found in all stages/places of life. I have been amazed at the answering of prayer. Either, I have never prayed like this before, or I’ve been too busy to stop and notice the response of the Lord. Either way, I pray that my eyes will be forever opened and that my heart would become lost in the heart of my Father.
The worse experience was on Sunday when I was leaving Nairobi. I was blessed enough to be able to spend the weekend with a SIM family from Georgia. It was completely spontaneous but turned out to be a really encouraging time for me. As I sat on the matatu heading back to Kijabe I realized that no one in Kijabe would be waiting for me to return. In a flash, I sunk into serious self pity. It became easy to think of how it would be back home and who would be waiting for my arrival in Senatobia (i.e. Mother!). Tears came to my eyes and I was dreading returning to Kijabe. It was extremely strange because I loved my week at the hospital and had no reason to not want to go back. I began to pray that the Lord would forgive me and remind me of his presence, that God would remove the fear and lies of satan so that I could hear clearly. Within the hour, the Lord had removed the cloud of darkness and reminded me of the joy to be found in all stages/places of life. I have been amazed at the answering of prayer. Either, I have never prayed like this before, or I’ve been too busy to stop and notice the response of the Lord. Either way, I pray that my eyes will be forever opened and that my heart would become lost in the heart of my Father.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Up, Down, and All Around
So much has happened since the turkey story, I am not even sure where to begin. This past weekend, I took a trip into Northern Kenya. The place was called Isiolo and is the last place north you can drive safely. After Isiolo, you need a police escort on the road due to the number of bandits. Isiolo is considered dry country and has heavy Islamic presence. There are several tribal groups present in the North that are also present in southern Ethiopia. Once you make the turn to head into the village, the bumping begins. The roads are all gravel or sand and pretty rough. Also, camels and thorny bushes become the norm on the side of the road. It is definitely hot there but it is dry heat so it still doesn’t have anything on Mississippi in July and August. Humidity is not something I have missed! I loved the people and area. The women are beautiful and there is such a need for medical care.
On Monday, I relocated to Kijabe. Kijabe is a village located on the slope of the Rift Valley, so it overlooks the valley and is beautiful. It is also cooler here due to the wind and elevation. I am living in a guesthouse within walking distance from Kijabe Hospital where I am working each day. I am just helping with a database in the nursery. I will be here throughout the month of April helping and hopefully I’ll get to observe some. The children go back to visit relatives during their school holiday in April. I am extremely interested in learning what medical missions looks like so this was a great opportunity. Also, any information that I can gather to better educate myself is a plus. It amazes me, every time I enter into a hospital ward, how eager I am to start school so that I can be the one at the bedside talking about treatments and “how to proceed”. I never realize how much I love it, until I’m in it. At Kijabe, medicine is even more interesting because you are treating patients from a country you will never belong to, and you’re working next to individuals from all over the world. It’s such a testament to the family of Christ.
Well… I have halfway through my time here in Kenya and can believe the first half went by so quickly. Of course, I would not have realized it was the halfway mark if my mother and Pam had not taken upon themselves to mark the very day on the calendar! I would like to say thank you again for all your prayers and support. I have been encouraged daily by the calendar so many of you filled out. And, the letters and emails from home have been such a blessing to my spirit. You will never understand how much it has meant to know that I have a group of believers completely behind me, halfway around the world. I look forward to what the Lord has in store for the next half of my time and pray that I will be obedient to the leadership of the Spirit.
On Monday, I relocated to Kijabe. Kijabe is a village located on the slope of the Rift Valley, so it overlooks the valley and is beautiful. It is also cooler here due to the wind and elevation. I am living in a guesthouse within walking distance from Kijabe Hospital where I am working each day. I am just helping with a database in the nursery. I will be here throughout the month of April helping and hopefully I’ll get to observe some. The children go back to visit relatives during their school holiday in April. I am extremely interested in learning what medical missions looks like so this was a great opportunity. Also, any information that I can gather to better educate myself is a plus. It amazes me, every time I enter into a hospital ward, how eager I am to start school so that I can be the one at the bedside talking about treatments and “how to proceed”. I never realize how much I love it, until I’m in it. At Kijabe, medicine is even more interesting because you are treating patients from a country you will never belong to, and you’re working next to individuals from all over the world. It’s such a testament to the family of Christ.
Well… I have halfway through my time here in Kenya and can believe the first half went by so quickly. Of course, I would not have realized it was the halfway mark if my mother and Pam had not taken upon themselves to mark the very day on the calendar! I would like to say thank you again for all your prayers and support. I have been encouraged daily by the calendar so many of you filled out. And, the letters and emails from home have been such a blessing to my spirit. You will never understand how much it has meant to know that I have a group of believers completely behind me, halfway around the world. I look forward to what the Lord has in store for the next half of my time and pray that I will be obedient to the leadership of the Spirit.
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The View: Mount Kenya
