Today is the day, let it be so

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." (Psalm 105: 1-4)

Did I love well, Lord? I know the answer, or at least part of the answer, is that it doesn't matter what I did or think I accomplished.

As I think about the summer and reflect upon what has happened, I wonder if I exhausted myself in love. My fear is that I settled for less or that I didn't do enough. The truth is I am but a small part of the work in Kenya. Quite frankly, with or without me, the Lord is at work. What a joy to be a part of the work for this short time and to see Him glorified in new ways.

This summer has taken me on a journey spiritually. The slow fade that occurred during medical school became obvious towards the end of my semester and I knew that the Lord was starting to reclaim what was His. I look forward to sharing the lessons I learned with you all during my report at the church. Some things are just better in person and I can't wait to bear witness to all that I saw, heard, and learned.

As for this day, it is the day and my heart must learn to accept its coming. Unfortunately, I feel like I am leaving a life that I was made to live. To know that you have found your "place in the world" is rare, to be confident of where you belong is also rare and I am thankful to have been given that insight. But, it is that knowledge that makes it hard to leave AFREEKA! I am more certain than ever that I am to finish medical school. I have seen a vision and been motivated on the path. I must return because school has reared its demanding head. There is peace in the journey home. There is hesitation to return to the life that is waiting in Jackson. I have vowed to do things differently this year. I don't want to lose myself in the process and it is too easy to do. I pray that I don't too quickly forget the lessons of the summer. I pray that as Kate and I travel back to the States, that we will have a peace over the work of the summer and the schooling that lies ahead of us. I look forward to seeing you all and hearing of what God has done in each of your lives. Again I tell you thank you for your faithful support and encouragement. I am blessed beyond measure with a family the size of FBC Senatobia!!!

Here in Kenya they say, "It's only mountains that never meet, people always meet." How true this has been in return to this wonderful country. I love you all and will see you soon!

Goodbyes and Tomorrows

“And by your name we cry, Abba Father” As I sat in church this Sunday, trying to take in every single moment, I was struck by something completely different than what I expected. It being our last Sunday in Litein, I wanted to remember the songs, smells, the sounds and the words spoken. I wanted to remember the face of the pastor and every small detail but what I remember instead are the sweet voices of the children from the orphanage in Litein. There is something about hearing orphaned children sing your praises, Lord, that break my heart every time. To hear them say, “Lord I lift your name on high. Lord I love to sing your praises. I’m so glad you’re in my life, I’m so glad you came to save us.” It seems amazing to me, how forgiving children can be. The adult in me struggles with the “why” of so many things of this world (orphaned children being one of them). They willing cry out thanks to God for their lives because they have some food and a place to sleep and feel protected. My heart screams out for them questions that aren’t mine to express. I sit comfortably on my bench in church, tears rolling down my cheeks because I can’t help but think of all the things they have experienced – the pain, the rejection, the fear, the uncertainty. These children are stronger than I could ever hope to be. Instead of cursing or blaming God for the evil that they have been exposed to they thank Him for the good He has done.

I praise you Lord for your faithfulness in the lives of your children all over the world. I thank you for rescuing your children and placing them in foster care, adoption agencies, and children’s homes. Thank you for giving them a second chance in this life to know love and joy as you designed it. But, I beg your protection and provision for the sweet children that are still sleeping on mounds of trash and who know the pain on starvation all too well. May they know, in some small way, your love today so that they might have hope to carry on in a world void of any hope of its own to offer.

Now… for a change of pace I’ll fill you in on what our schedule looks like for the next week. It seems that our time in Litein, has indeed, ended too quickly. We are leaving on Wednesday for Massai Mara. We will go on safari there and then head into Nairobi before leaving on July the 26^th. It has all passed so fast and I am not quite ready to return to the world of packed schedules, busy lifestyles, and time demands. It has been so nice to “be free” here in Kenya. My heart rejoices at the time the Lord allowed and all that I have learned, seen, and done. My “clay made heart” aches to question the gentle, firm hands of my potter… but I will refrain again. I take comfort in knowing that I am but a small piece of the puzzle and that my faithful Father is always at work. I don’t fully understand all that the Lord has done or is doing through this stay but I do know that He IS doing something.

“Now we know in part but soon we shall know fully, just as we are fully know.”

Pray for God’s grace as we say goodbye to all of our friends at Litein. Pray that God provides closure in our work and a sense of completion for the summer. And lastly, pray that God provides safety in our traveling and continues to draw us closer and closer in His arms. It is easy to shut down and prepare for the end and miss an encounter with the Lord, I pray that this final week allows time to really reflect and draw near to our gracious, loving Lord. May God bless your lives this week with enough joy to make you fully aware of his presence.

I will lift my voice

Often I feel useless here. I am not a doctor yet and so have little to offer these people in the way of medical help. I have the gospel and the hope that comes with accepting it but so many here proclaim to be “born again”. So… what do I have to offer? What can I do for them…I can tell their stories. That is what I will do tonight.

I have become attached to a woman in the hospital. Her name is Grace and I met her two weeks ago. I was helping in the HIV clinic when she was brought in by her family. Her family looked scared, and she looked desperate. She was tiny and couldn’t walk in on her own. As I began to take her vitals, I realized that the adult blood pressure cuff wouldn’t fit her arm because it was so small. Her temperature was sky high and her pulse was racing. I pushed her through the line and called the doctor to see her immediately. I wanted to help her. She was seen by the doctor and blood work and an x-ray were ordered. I wheeled her through the hospital and took advantage of my skin color to get her test done quickly. We returned to the clinic and the doctor admitted her immediately. She was diagnosed with HIV associated neuropathy.

Since that day, I have visited her and her family most every day. She has had days that she knew me, spoke with me in Kiswahili and some English. She has laughed and gone outside to walk with her sister. But, there have been days, like this past Thursday, that she didn’t recognize anyone, was distracted, and was unable to speak. It broke my heart to see her decline so quickly in one day. I have had the opportunity to talk and pray with her family. They are all believers but have needed support and prayer. What I learned is that Grace is the oldest of four children. They were orphaned as children and Grace was widowed two years ago. The brothers and sisters have been at the hospital everyday sitting with their sister. They have asked for continued prayers, and I know that there are many who would gladly join me in lifting up this family during a time of uncertainty and sickness. In the mean time I will try to figure out what else I can do for this family. They have been so kind to bring me pineapples from their shamba in the evenings when I visit. It breaks my heart every time to know that these people are giving to me when they have so little. What a lesson for me to learn.

Thank you for joining with me to love, support, and cover in prayer Grace and her sweet family. Pray that she will be able to eat again soon and regain strength. Pray that the Lord would strengthen her immunity and that the medicine she is taking will start working. And, pray for her family as they struggle through watching their sister die of a terrible disease.

“Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.” (James 5:13-15)

Life Eternal

Often in my life I have wrongly believed that death in Africa was not mourned and grieved as it is in America. I suppose I thought that death in Africa was expected and accepted because it happened so frequently. And, they do not have the same medical opportunities available to prolong and even at times prevent death. Oh how wrong I have been. Many of you are probably scoffing at my lack of understanding but this is probably not the first time, nor the last time that will happen.

It seems that I have seen and experienced death in ways I never knew were possible. I guess it started my second day in the hospital when we received a patient in casualty, dead on arrival. It was so calm. No one buzzing around starting chest compressions or hooking up tons of machines, no one was yelling orders or ordering drugs… they just pronounced him dead. Since then, it has built and expanded as I have heard the screams throughout the halls of the wards as one more life has ended before the family was ready. The screams startle me every time. The beginning of the mourning process among this tribe is to scream out, as loud as possible, until no strength is left. Sometimes there are tears, sometimes there is thrashing and pacing that accompanies the screaming – regardless it is the sound of total despair. In this sense, there is no such thing as silently bearing the weight of grief alone. Other visitors near the commotion run to the family to offer support and strength. It reminds of me of the time my grandmother passed away. It seems that our kitchen was filled with so many of you, coming for my mother, before I even really knew what was happening. I suppose this is just further proof of our need for each other, and God’s infinite design for His children. We’re really not that different, you and me.

These sounds are not my only encounter. I never knew, until now, the lingering smell and presence of death. On two different occasions in the female ward I have come into contact with this lingering presence. It was surreal at first. It was inescapable. I remember looking at a patient that already appeared to have left her earthly body. I kept starring at her hoping to see her chest rise and fall, signs that she was somehow still breathing. It was clear to me that the medical interventions that they were trying in the hospital would only help so much longer. Death was imminent and I could feel its closeness, and I knew there wasn’t anything that could be done. I watched the family members swirl around her trying to adjust her blankets, her oxygen mask, trying to make her comfortable and I am sure, trying to avoid thinking of the inevitable.

The lesson, I am sure, is obvious this time. Our days are limited. Eternity has been set in the hearts of all men but earth eternal is found only in the Father. We as humans, being made in the image of God the Father, desire relationship. Regardless of what continent we live on, we need other people. Death is never easy for us and I am not sure that it should be. If it were easy to say goodbye would we have experienced all that we were designed to experience? Then again, maybe some of what we search for in others is to be fulfilled by the Lord alone and we subject ourselves to more pain this is necessary. Not sure that I have the answer to this one yet. Regardless of the answer, it is my prayer that we all will love boldly this week knowing that death is a reality.

Litein Living

We have been in Litein now for 10 days and what an interesting 10 days it has been. We started the first 3 days in the hospital, getting oriented and learning our way around. This past week we were asked to attend a palliative care seminar. We were hesitant because we did not want to miss time in the hospital but decided to go. The week has been okay and we made it through. I am certain there was a reason that we had to attend the seminar I just don’t know it right now. Someday I’ll know (maybe not this side of heaven though). I must say, we are extremely anxious to get back into the hospital on Monday.

I want to give you a little idea of what it is like each day for us. Most days we finish at the hospital around 4:30 or 5:00 and then head back to our guesthouse. This leaves enough time to walk to the market for vegetables and fruit, to cook dinner, and shower before the sun goes down. Dinner has been fun! We usually use tomatoes, onions, carrots, cabbage, bell peppers, and potatoes. The debate usually comes in deciding whether we want noodles, rice, or ugali with our vegetables. Turns out Kate is a big fan of ugali!

Water and electricity have been inconsistent to say the least. It is quite a treat when we have water AND electricity in the evenings. Of course, having both of these simultaneously also makes cooking and showering easier. This does mean that hot showers or showers at all are come and go. We have been extremely lucky the past 4 days in that we have had hot showers. We do not take this for granted. It’s fun to feel like we’re roughing it a little bit.

We are really searching out ways to get more involved in the community. This Sunday we will meet with some of the Kenyan student nurses. We hope to get to know them and find ways to encourage them spiritually. Please be in prayer for this time. Pray that the Lord will build meaningful relationships with these students, and that He will provide a way for us to speak the truth of His love over them. We are also hoping to have an opportunity for more patient involvement in the coming weeks. The language barrier will continue to be a challenge. Most individuals here prefer to speak their tribal language so our English and Kiswahili are not always helpful. I have found this to be frustrating already when a young woman came into the outpatient clinic room I was in and spoke of being beaten. I wanted so badly to talk with her, encourage her, and help her find a safe place to go but she spoke no English and I don’t know that much Swahili. I had to settle for hugging her and telling her how sorry I was for her situation. Sometimes I wish I could just open my mouth and whatever language was appropriate would just come spilling out… that would be absolutely wonderful.

Now on a more personal note… the Lord is busy at work in my life. It seems each and every day He is revealing more and more of himself to me. I am thankful but revelation requires a response from me, a change in my life. The anvil is never comfortable. To be honest, it is painful. I take comfort in knowing that the pounding and shaping in the fire is only to make me more useful in the hand of the carpenter. I often wonder why I must come to Africa to learn such seemingly simple truths. I guess it is when my heart is less distracted that it is ready to HEAR the truth of the Father.
I ask for your continued prayer for safety and health for the three of us. Pray that the Lord will draw us closer in friendship so that we might be a united voice for the gospel. And, pray that we would seek to joyfully do the will of our Father, daily pouring out His love over Litein.
Thank you for faithfully interceding on our behalf. Have a great weekend!!

A Day of Rejoicing

I wish I could do justice with words to what we experienced on Sunday. I know that I will fail, but I will try to at least provide a small glimpse of the sights and sounds of worship in the largest slum in Africa.

Imagine a room about the size of a third of the FLC fellowship hall (I’ll use a FBC Senatobia reference since most all of you are familiar with the building). In this room, all the walls are cement, the floor is cement, and there are movable divisions that have been lifted up from their usual position of dividing the room into multiple classrooms that now occupy the ceiling. Since it is Sunday, the desk have been moved out and there are plastic chairs lined up across the floor. The church usually has about 45 members present on Sunday. Of course this Sunday they had an additional 4 visitors who stuck out dramatically. I am sure our 4 white faces with wide eyes were very noticeable against the sea of dark faces surrounding us.

There service had just begun when we arrived so we, of course, were greeted immediately from the announcer in the front of the room. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind who the visitors are or who he is greeting. After greeting us, the quickly go into the musical praise and worship portion of the service. They sing serious, more reverent songs for the “call to worship” and then starts the praising. I close my eyes to fully take in all that is going on around me. There are people who are shouting, others dancing, still others crying. At several points throughout the service, a very loud “tribal call” goes out. To me it is as if this person is so moved in the presence of the Lord that their heart burst forth in joy. I like to think of it as a calling… an invitation for those present to come with them (dancing and singing) to the throne of God. There are three men at the front who are leading the songs. It seems very spontaneous. There are also young girls who are at the front leading the dancing. Their pattern is much more similar to a “follow the leader” format rather than spontaneous like the men they are helping. The children are sitting on the side of the room, some are participating… others are wandering in and out of the hall. Some raise their hands in shouts of acclamations of all that the Lord has done for them. The preaching comes from the assistant pastor. He speaks in Kiswahili and the senior pastor interprets in English. There was so much animation and shouting throughout the message that I had trouble completely understanding all the points of the sermon. After the sermon, we sang a little more and then ended with the “the Grace”. (I had forgotten about saying “the grace”.)

The most difficult part for me is the harsh truth that many of them are hungry and don’t know when their next meal will come, yet they sing out in worship more joyfully than I have ever dreamed.It still brings me great joy to think of the day when we ALL will be invited to the throne of God to worship together in His presence. I know my imagination is no match for that day. However, what I can attest to is this… if that day is anything like the worship I have been a part of in Kenya, what a day of rejoicing that will be!

“And now, may the grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with you now and forever more, amen. “

Karibu Kenya

We made it! Thank you to all for your prayers of safe travels. Kate and I arrived in Nairobi late Monday night and made it through customs without a single problem. Praise the Lord for providing a Kenyan friend on the airplane who helped us acquire our Visa and get through baggage and the customs line without any questions. Many of you may remember my fear of the customs process from the last time when I arrived at the airport in Nairobi to find no one working because I had arrived so early. The Lord works in wonderful ways and His mercy really is NEW because this time our new friend walked us right through the entire process without one person stopping us for questions! So, thank you all for praying us through this arrival.

The week in Nairobi has been filled with orientation and meetings. I must say that this orientation week is quite different than the first. It has been wonderful being reconnected with so many of my friends in Kenya, and meeting new friends from Baltimore and Canada. I am overjoyed to be back and once again feel like I have returned to a place, in full obedience, to join the Lord in His work.

Right now, I sit in a flat at Rose listening to the rain pound the tin roofs and know that rain is a link to survival. The drought that plagued Kenya just a short year ago seems to be only a memory as the skies have poured forth the rain this season. I can not wait to go to Litein. The very thought that I will get to do that which the Lord has made me for, is thrilling. I will get to experience medical missions firsthand, day in and day out as I live among a new tribe of Kenya. There will be a new culture, tradition, language, and food. To me, that means a new way to come face to face with our Father.

Christina, Kate, and I leave for Litein this coming Tuesday and it will take us about 6 or so hours to make the trip. Once there, we will remain until the end of the summer. I ask that you join us in praying for safety as we travel. The roads here can be a bit dangerous, and I pray that the Lord safely delivers us to the field out west. We also are immensely aware of the risk involved when working in a hospital, especially in a country that is suffering from fatal, non-curable diseases. Please pray that the Lord will keep us healthy and make us wise in avoiding potentially dangerous situations. Pray, also, that we would joyfully be the hands and feet of our Lord and that we would be bold with the good news of Christ. May you know the love of our Father this week!