Today is the day, let it be so

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." (Psalm 105: 1-4)

Did I love well, Lord? I know the answer, or at least part of the answer, is that it doesn't matter what I did or think I accomplished.

As I think about the summer and reflect upon what has happened, I wonder if I exhausted myself in love. My fear is that I settled for less or that I didn't do enough. The truth is I am but a small part of the work in Kenya. Quite frankly, with or without me, the Lord is at work. What a joy to be a part of the work for this short time and to see Him glorified in new ways.

This summer has taken me on a journey spiritually. The slow fade that occurred during medical school became obvious towards the end of my semester and I knew that the Lord was starting to reclaim what was His. I look forward to sharing the lessons I learned with you all during my report at the church. Some things are just better in person and I can't wait to bear witness to all that I saw, heard, and learned.

As for this day, it is the day and my heart must learn to accept its coming. Unfortunately, I feel like I am leaving a life that I was made to live. To know that you have found your "place in the world" is rare, to be confident of where you belong is also rare and I am thankful to have been given that insight. But, it is that knowledge that makes it hard to leave AFREEKA! I am more certain than ever that I am to finish medical school. I have seen a vision and been motivated on the path. I must return because school has reared its demanding head. There is peace in the journey home. There is hesitation to return to the life that is waiting in Jackson. I have vowed to do things differently this year. I don't want to lose myself in the process and it is too easy to do. I pray that I don't too quickly forget the lessons of the summer. I pray that as Kate and I travel back to the States, that we will have a peace over the work of the summer and the schooling that lies ahead of us. I look forward to seeing you all and hearing of what God has done in each of your lives. Again I tell you thank you for your faithful support and encouragement. I am blessed beyond measure with a family the size of FBC Senatobia!!!

Here in Kenya they say, "It's only mountains that never meet, people always meet." How true this has been in return to this wonderful country. I love you all and will see you soon!

Goodbyes and Tomorrows

“And by your name we cry, Abba Father” As I sat in church this Sunday, trying to take in every single moment, I was struck by something completely different than what I expected. It being our last Sunday in Litein, I wanted to remember the songs, smells, the sounds and the words spoken. I wanted to remember the face of the pastor and every small detail but what I remember instead are the sweet voices of the children from the orphanage in Litein. There is something about hearing orphaned children sing your praises, Lord, that break my heart every time. To hear them say, “Lord I lift your name on high. Lord I love to sing your praises. I’m so glad you’re in my life, I’m so glad you came to save us.” It seems amazing to me, how forgiving children can be. The adult in me struggles with the “why” of so many things of this world (orphaned children being one of them). They willing cry out thanks to God for their lives because they have some food and a place to sleep and feel protected. My heart screams out for them questions that aren’t mine to express. I sit comfortably on my bench in church, tears rolling down my cheeks because I can’t help but think of all the things they have experienced – the pain, the rejection, the fear, the uncertainty. These children are stronger than I could ever hope to be. Instead of cursing or blaming God for the evil that they have been exposed to they thank Him for the good He has done.

I praise you Lord for your faithfulness in the lives of your children all over the world. I thank you for rescuing your children and placing them in foster care, adoption agencies, and children’s homes. Thank you for giving them a second chance in this life to know love and joy as you designed it. But, I beg your protection and provision for the sweet children that are still sleeping on mounds of trash and who know the pain on starvation all too well. May they know, in some small way, your love today so that they might have hope to carry on in a world void of any hope of its own to offer.

Now… for a change of pace I’ll fill you in on what our schedule looks like for the next week. It seems that our time in Litein, has indeed, ended too quickly. We are leaving on Wednesday for Massai Mara. We will go on safari there and then head into Nairobi before leaving on July the 26^th. It has all passed so fast and I am not quite ready to return to the world of packed schedules, busy lifestyles, and time demands. It has been so nice to “be free” here in Kenya. My heart rejoices at the time the Lord allowed and all that I have learned, seen, and done. My “clay made heart” aches to question the gentle, firm hands of my potter… but I will refrain again. I take comfort in knowing that I am but a small piece of the puzzle and that my faithful Father is always at work. I don’t fully understand all that the Lord has done or is doing through this stay but I do know that He IS doing something.

“Now we know in part but soon we shall know fully, just as we are fully know.”

Pray for God’s grace as we say goodbye to all of our friends at Litein. Pray that God provides closure in our work and a sense of completion for the summer. And lastly, pray that God provides safety in our traveling and continues to draw us closer and closer in His arms. It is easy to shut down and prepare for the end and miss an encounter with the Lord, I pray that this final week allows time to really reflect and draw near to our gracious, loving Lord. May God bless your lives this week with enough joy to make you fully aware of his presence.

I will lift my voice

Often I feel useless here. I am not a doctor yet and so have little to offer these people in the way of medical help. I have the gospel and the hope that comes with accepting it but so many here proclaim to be “born again”. So… what do I have to offer? What can I do for them…I can tell their stories. That is what I will do tonight.

I have become attached to a woman in the hospital. Her name is Grace and I met her two weeks ago. I was helping in the HIV clinic when she was brought in by her family. Her family looked scared, and she looked desperate. She was tiny and couldn’t walk in on her own. As I began to take her vitals, I realized that the adult blood pressure cuff wouldn’t fit her arm because it was so small. Her temperature was sky high and her pulse was racing. I pushed her through the line and called the doctor to see her immediately. I wanted to help her. She was seen by the doctor and blood work and an x-ray were ordered. I wheeled her through the hospital and took advantage of my skin color to get her test done quickly. We returned to the clinic and the doctor admitted her immediately. She was diagnosed with HIV associated neuropathy.

Since that day, I have visited her and her family most every day. She has had days that she knew me, spoke with me in Kiswahili and some English. She has laughed and gone outside to walk with her sister. But, there have been days, like this past Thursday, that she didn’t recognize anyone, was distracted, and was unable to speak. It broke my heart to see her decline so quickly in one day. I have had the opportunity to talk and pray with her family. They are all believers but have needed support and prayer. What I learned is that Grace is the oldest of four children. They were orphaned as children and Grace was widowed two years ago. The brothers and sisters have been at the hospital everyday sitting with their sister. They have asked for continued prayers, and I know that there are many who would gladly join me in lifting up this family during a time of uncertainty and sickness. In the mean time I will try to figure out what else I can do for this family. They have been so kind to bring me pineapples from their shamba in the evenings when I visit. It breaks my heart every time to know that these people are giving to me when they have so little. What a lesson for me to learn.

Thank you for joining with me to love, support, and cover in prayer Grace and her sweet family. Pray that she will be able to eat again soon and regain strength. Pray that the Lord would strengthen her immunity and that the medicine she is taking will start working. And, pray for her family as they struggle through watching their sister die of a terrible disease.

“Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.” (James 5:13-15)

Life Eternal

Often in my life I have wrongly believed that death in Africa was not mourned and grieved as it is in America. I suppose I thought that death in Africa was expected and accepted because it happened so frequently. And, they do not have the same medical opportunities available to prolong and even at times prevent death. Oh how wrong I have been. Many of you are probably scoffing at my lack of understanding but this is probably not the first time, nor the last time that will happen.

It seems that I have seen and experienced death in ways I never knew were possible. I guess it started my second day in the hospital when we received a patient in casualty, dead on arrival. It was so calm. No one buzzing around starting chest compressions or hooking up tons of machines, no one was yelling orders or ordering drugs… they just pronounced him dead. Since then, it has built and expanded as I have heard the screams throughout the halls of the wards as one more life has ended before the family was ready. The screams startle me every time. The beginning of the mourning process among this tribe is to scream out, as loud as possible, until no strength is left. Sometimes there are tears, sometimes there is thrashing and pacing that accompanies the screaming – regardless it is the sound of total despair. In this sense, there is no such thing as silently bearing the weight of grief alone. Other visitors near the commotion run to the family to offer support and strength. It reminds of me of the time my grandmother passed away. It seems that our kitchen was filled with so many of you, coming for my mother, before I even really knew what was happening. I suppose this is just further proof of our need for each other, and God’s infinite design for His children. We’re really not that different, you and me.

These sounds are not my only encounter. I never knew, until now, the lingering smell and presence of death. On two different occasions in the female ward I have come into contact with this lingering presence. It was surreal at first. It was inescapable. I remember looking at a patient that already appeared to have left her earthly body. I kept starring at her hoping to see her chest rise and fall, signs that she was somehow still breathing. It was clear to me that the medical interventions that they were trying in the hospital would only help so much longer. Death was imminent and I could feel its closeness, and I knew there wasn’t anything that could be done. I watched the family members swirl around her trying to adjust her blankets, her oxygen mask, trying to make her comfortable and I am sure, trying to avoid thinking of the inevitable.

The lesson, I am sure, is obvious this time. Our days are limited. Eternity has been set in the hearts of all men but earth eternal is found only in the Father. We as humans, being made in the image of God the Father, desire relationship. Regardless of what continent we live on, we need other people. Death is never easy for us and I am not sure that it should be. If it were easy to say goodbye would we have experienced all that we were designed to experience? Then again, maybe some of what we search for in others is to be fulfilled by the Lord alone and we subject ourselves to more pain this is necessary. Not sure that I have the answer to this one yet. Regardless of the answer, it is my prayer that we all will love boldly this week knowing that death is a reality.

Litein Living

We have been in Litein now for 10 days and what an interesting 10 days it has been. We started the first 3 days in the hospital, getting oriented and learning our way around. This past week we were asked to attend a palliative care seminar. We were hesitant because we did not want to miss time in the hospital but decided to go. The week has been okay and we made it through. I am certain there was a reason that we had to attend the seminar I just don’t know it right now. Someday I’ll know (maybe not this side of heaven though). I must say, we are extremely anxious to get back into the hospital on Monday.

I want to give you a little idea of what it is like each day for us. Most days we finish at the hospital around 4:30 or 5:00 and then head back to our guesthouse. This leaves enough time to walk to the market for vegetables and fruit, to cook dinner, and shower before the sun goes down. Dinner has been fun! We usually use tomatoes, onions, carrots, cabbage, bell peppers, and potatoes. The debate usually comes in deciding whether we want noodles, rice, or ugali with our vegetables. Turns out Kate is a big fan of ugali!

Water and electricity have been inconsistent to say the least. It is quite a treat when we have water AND electricity in the evenings. Of course, having both of these simultaneously also makes cooking and showering easier. This does mean that hot showers or showers at all are come and go. We have been extremely lucky the past 4 days in that we have had hot showers. We do not take this for granted. It’s fun to feel like we’re roughing it a little bit.

We are really searching out ways to get more involved in the community. This Sunday we will meet with some of the Kenyan student nurses. We hope to get to know them and find ways to encourage them spiritually. Please be in prayer for this time. Pray that the Lord will build meaningful relationships with these students, and that He will provide a way for us to speak the truth of His love over them. We are also hoping to have an opportunity for more patient involvement in the coming weeks. The language barrier will continue to be a challenge. Most individuals here prefer to speak their tribal language so our English and Kiswahili are not always helpful. I have found this to be frustrating already when a young woman came into the outpatient clinic room I was in and spoke of being beaten. I wanted so badly to talk with her, encourage her, and help her find a safe place to go but she spoke no English and I don’t know that much Swahili. I had to settle for hugging her and telling her how sorry I was for her situation. Sometimes I wish I could just open my mouth and whatever language was appropriate would just come spilling out… that would be absolutely wonderful.

Now on a more personal note… the Lord is busy at work in my life. It seems each and every day He is revealing more and more of himself to me. I am thankful but revelation requires a response from me, a change in my life. The anvil is never comfortable. To be honest, it is painful. I take comfort in knowing that the pounding and shaping in the fire is only to make me more useful in the hand of the carpenter. I often wonder why I must come to Africa to learn such seemingly simple truths. I guess it is when my heart is less distracted that it is ready to HEAR the truth of the Father.
I ask for your continued prayer for safety and health for the three of us. Pray that the Lord will draw us closer in friendship so that we might be a united voice for the gospel. And, pray that we would seek to joyfully do the will of our Father, daily pouring out His love over Litein.
Thank you for faithfully interceding on our behalf. Have a great weekend!!

A Day of Rejoicing

I wish I could do justice with words to what we experienced on Sunday. I know that I will fail, but I will try to at least provide a small glimpse of the sights and sounds of worship in the largest slum in Africa.

Imagine a room about the size of a third of the FLC fellowship hall (I’ll use a FBC Senatobia reference since most all of you are familiar with the building). In this room, all the walls are cement, the floor is cement, and there are movable divisions that have been lifted up from their usual position of dividing the room into multiple classrooms that now occupy the ceiling. Since it is Sunday, the desk have been moved out and there are plastic chairs lined up across the floor. The church usually has about 45 members present on Sunday. Of course this Sunday they had an additional 4 visitors who stuck out dramatically. I am sure our 4 white faces with wide eyes were very noticeable against the sea of dark faces surrounding us.

There service had just begun when we arrived so we, of course, were greeted immediately from the announcer in the front of the room. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind who the visitors are or who he is greeting. After greeting us, the quickly go into the musical praise and worship portion of the service. They sing serious, more reverent songs for the “call to worship” and then starts the praising. I close my eyes to fully take in all that is going on around me. There are people who are shouting, others dancing, still others crying. At several points throughout the service, a very loud “tribal call” goes out. To me it is as if this person is so moved in the presence of the Lord that their heart burst forth in joy. I like to think of it as a calling… an invitation for those present to come with them (dancing and singing) to the throne of God. There are three men at the front who are leading the songs. It seems very spontaneous. There are also young girls who are at the front leading the dancing. Their pattern is much more similar to a “follow the leader” format rather than spontaneous like the men they are helping. The children are sitting on the side of the room, some are participating… others are wandering in and out of the hall. Some raise their hands in shouts of acclamations of all that the Lord has done for them. The preaching comes from the assistant pastor. He speaks in Kiswahili and the senior pastor interprets in English. There was so much animation and shouting throughout the message that I had trouble completely understanding all the points of the sermon. After the sermon, we sang a little more and then ended with the “the Grace”. (I had forgotten about saying “the grace”.)

The most difficult part for me is the harsh truth that many of them are hungry and don’t know when their next meal will come, yet they sing out in worship more joyfully than I have ever dreamed.It still brings me great joy to think of the day when we ALL will be invited to the throne of God to worship together in His presence. I know my imagination is no match for that day. However, what I can attest to is this… if that day is anything like the worship I have been a part of in Kenya, what a day of rejoicing that will be!

“And now, may the grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with you now and forever more, amen. “

Karibu Kenya

We made it! Thank you to all for your prayers of safe travels. Kate and I arrived in Nairobi late Monday night and made it through customs without a single problem. Praise the Lord for providing a Kenyan friend on the airplane who helped us acquire our Visa and get through baggage and the customs line without any questions. Many of you may remember my fear of the customs process from the last time when I arrived at the airport in Nairobi to find no one working because I had arrived so early. The Lord works in wonderful ways and His mercy really is NEW because this time our new friend walked us right through the entire process without one person stopping us for questions! So, thank you all for praying us through this arrival.

The week in Nairobi has been filled with orientation and meetings. I must say that this orientation week is quite different than the first. It has been wonderful being reconnected with so many of my friends in Kenya, and meeting new friends from Baltimore and Canada. I am overjoyed to be back and once again feel like I have returned to a place, in full obedience, to join the Lord in His work.

Right now, I sit in a flat at Rose listening to the rain pound the tin roofs and know that rain is a link to survival. The drought that plagued Kenya just a short year ago seems to be only a memory as the skies have poured forth the rain this season. I can not wait to go to Litein. The very thought that I will get to do that which the Lord has made me for, is thrilling. I will get to experience medical missions firsthand, day in and day out as I live among a new tribe of Kenya. There will be a new culture, tradition, language, and food. To me, that means a new way to come face to face with our Father.

Christina, Kate, and I leave for Litein this coming Tuesday and it will take us about 6 or so hours to make the trip. Once there, we will remain until the end of the summer. I ask that you join us in praying for safety as we travel. The roads here can be a bit dangerous, and I pray that the Lord safely delivers us to the field out west. We also are immensely aware of the risk involved when working in a hospital, especially in a country that is suffering from fatal, non-curable diseases. Please pray that the Lord will keep us healthy and make us wise in avoiding potentially dangerous situations. Pray, also, that we would joyfully be the hands and feet of our Lord and that we would be bold with the good news of Christ. May you know the love of our Father this week!

Life: A long series of Hello and Goodbye

So the time has come to say goodbye, and I am not good at “goodbye”.

Many of you have asked about the “princess party” and I must say I am excited to share a few photos with you! They were so adorable! And, the girls really enjoyed the night. I loved it that I got to tell them one more time how beautiful they are and how much God has in store for their lives. Still God amazes me that He would let me be a part of His work. Why would He choose me? Why did He want me to experience His love in this way? I suppose those are questions I will not be sure of the answer to until I meet Him face to face. (Oh Lord hasten the day that I may gaze upon your beautiful face.)

I left Bethesda Children’s Home last Thursday to return to Nairobi. There is a lot of paperwork and business things that must be taken care of here before returning home. It was extremely difficult to leave the girls. On Wednesday they had my favorite Kenyan meal and then we said our goodbyes. Of course I cried! I wouldn’t be my mother’s daughter if I didn’t. On Thursday I had to say goodbye to John and Janet (the guard and the house girl). They are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met! I will truly miss them. Mum (Grace) and I had one more day as I had to meet her in Nairobi on Friday to take care of a few more things for BCH. I will miss my mornings with her.
When I arrived in Nairobi, I was no where near ready to leave. I was really struggling with the idea and trying not to think of all that waits for me. However, God has continued to be faithful in His answering of my prayers and He has slowly softened my heart to the reality of re-entry. I know that I must go as the Lord as called me to another place right now. At the same time, the Lord has affirmed His calling on my life and I know I will be back. Debriefing in Nairobi has provided clarity about my purpose here and has also provided an opportunity to reflect upon what the Lord has done in my life and through my life. I look forward to sharing those things with you as you have so graciously trusted me to be your hands, feet, eyes, ears, and heart. As I sit to write this blog to you, I realize I am miles from where I was not 6 short months ago. The Lord has allowed me to see Him in new ways and has changed my heart. Satan attacked and God provided strength and power to triumph over Him. Danger arised and God faithfully protected me in advance. God brought me to Africa to fulfill His calling on my life but to grow me that I would be ready to serve long term. I could sing the praises of our Lord forever just because of how I have seen Him during this time in Kenya. I realize that many of you would get tired of reading, so I will spare you.

By the time many of you read this, I will be close to arriving in the States. Let us all hope that by that time the Lord has really provided closure and peace about the transition. I can not imagine being able to greet you all and thank you personally for all that you have done for me. It is so amazing to have a new understanding of the mission field which includes my understanding of the importance of your church family. I have been so fortunate have such wonderful, faithful support. The floor of heaven has been bombarded with your intercession and I can never thank you enough. As I re-enter the States, I ask that you pray for a smooth transition with little re-entry stress. I also ask that you continue to praise the Lord for all He has done and that He will continue to lead me. I know this is not the end for me in Africa….pray as the Lord directs to the next place and time. I love you all greatly and can not wait to share the wonders of our Lord with you!

“Now to Him that is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we can ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to HIM be the glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” –Ephesians 3: 20-21

Preaching, Knitting, and Parties

I returned to Kerugoya a week ago and have been busy ever since. As is true for humans, we procrastinate. So, I have been spending the days having lunch and tea with Kenyans and the evenings with the girls. It seems everyday is packed with things to do and people to visit. Oh how I love last minute!

Since I have been back, I have soaked up every minute possible with the girls, had the opportunity to preach in a Kenyan church, and start/finish projects for BCH. There is so much to report on but I will save some for when I return. For now I will tell you of what the girls and I have been doing and will do before my departure from this wonderful town.

On Saturday, we spent the day doing some crafts. Most of you are laughing because you know I am not artistic but the Lord enables us to make the most of what we have. So, I've done exactly that. We used dried maize husk to make angles. It was quite interesting, I must admit. Even more so because they worked and the girls loved them! We also finally got the opportunity to use the coloring books that were sent from the church. Each of the girls got one and we spent the rest of the day coloring. Most of them insisted on finishing that day. They love to color so much. There has been a lot of knitting and I was able to get more wool for the girls so that they can learn to knit their own school sweaters. We will see what will come of that in the future. For now, the girls love to knit and it is something that could eventually provide some income. The systems that we worked on before I left in April needed to be reinforced but for the most part they were still using them. I will pray that they continue even in our absence. This weekend will be my last weekend with the girls and I hope to make is special. Tonight (Friday) we will have a movie night and knit. Tomorrow I have planned a "Princess Party". The story of Esther is one of my absolute favorites. I love that she was so bold in risking her life for her people. I also love the words of Mordecai, "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" I realize that the Lord can always use someone else if I am not willing to serve. Also, that so much of what we are given is for the use of His kingdom. However, the fact that Esther was an orphan and used for God speaks encouragement for the girls at Bethesda. So on Saturday night, I will make paper crowns, pretend robes, have fruit and tea, and decorate the room with candles and fabric. We will talk about Esther and I pray that the girls will understand that they too will be used for the King. Pray for this time. Pray that the girls will know that they are loved by the Most High God, they are special, and have a purpose in this life. I am really excited about the "party"!!!

As for me, as you might expect I still cannot imagine leaving. This is my life now. For the past 6 months this is what I have known as everyday living, and I am not sure how I will go back to the past. I realize that everything is changing when I return home and that probably makes it a little harder to deal with the return. Continue praying that the Lord provides peace in the transition. I do look forward to seeing you all.

Thank you for your prayers and support throughout this process. I will try to write again once I am back in Nairobi. I will be home in about 2 weeks. Love you all and see you soon.

Meg

No Other Name!

There is no other name, under heaven given to men by which we might be saved!
As I spent yesterday meeting with a M friend, I realized how similar our lives really are. We are both the same age, single, jobless, and waiting for all of the above. We sat having coffee, doing our fingernails with henna, talking about life. It is amazing to me some of the things she has been through. It is even more amazing to me how the Lord has ordained this friendship. The first day I met her, she has been excited to meet and share her life with me. I have been excited to meet, share my life, and share the hope of the gospel with her. It has been a slow process. As we talk about the differences in religion and faith, it always comes back to a choice. I take so much comfort in the fact that it is through God alone that salvation comes. Random, I know, but I remember when I was a kid and this "actor" sang at our church one Sunday night. He sang a song that I am sure I have heard again but some of the words stuck with me, "I am a willing vessel and that's all I need to be."

As I prepare to go back up country for the last 3 weeks of my time in this beautiful country, I realize how difficult it will be to say goodbye to the students at New Adventure and to my new close friend. It is my prayer that I have given all of myself in these relationships. Maybe the Lord used me to prepare the "soil" so that they would all be ready in good time to be moved from darkness to light!

Please join me in praying for protection and safety as I return to an area that has recently had a lot of turmoil and fighting. Also, pray that the Lord brings closure and a feeling of finishing for now. And, pray for Bethesda Children's Home as I move back in for 2 weeks. They have gotten use to not having me there and these two weeks will fly by. I do not want them to feel abandoned or left but simply loved because they are beautiful children of God. I pray that at the end of my time, someone (just one) has felt the love of our Father.

“He is the stone you builders rejected, which has become the capstone. Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved.”
(Acts 4:11-12)

That God Would Let Me Be A Part

I had another one of those moments today, one of those moments that humbles me to tears as I think, “this is why I came….this is why I love.” I left the LCA office at 1:00 to take four new SIMpacters to get food and skirts before they left for their ministry site. It was cloudy and sprinkling and of course the bottom fell out. We were soaked and had just begun walking. A couple hours later, we finished all of out shopping and had only one more stop. Now, I must explain something. In Nairobi there are street children that ask for money every 100 yards or so. However, there are also those children that the parents have put them to work. So… the girls and I had already been approached by several children who were not actually orphaned street children. We were making our last stop when we were approached by a young boy from the streets. I could tell immediately that he was starving and sleeping on top of a trash pile somewhere. My heart went out to him for some reason so I stopped to talk to him and his friends. (This is common, normally street children travel in a small group because they’ve become family.) I found out their names and ages. I don’t ever give money… so I asked my new friend, Mohammad, if they would wait right where they were so I could bring them some bread and milk. He told me YES! YES! And then out of no where threw his arms around me and hugged me. He hugged me twice simply because I was going to buy him some bread and milk! It was the sweetest, saddest moment. I knew that I loved this child and that God was loving them all through my hands that day, but I also realized it was only bread and milk. They were truly hungry. What could I offer that would make their lives better. The bread and milk would be finished soon and they would still be hungry. To tell them of the love of God is needed but will they remember my words when they crawl back onto the top of the trash pit that night? My new friends will probably never remember the Mzungu that stopped that day, but I pray that they never forget the five or ten minutes that someone cared about their lives. I know that that day… the Lord was providing for all of his children. He was just kind enough to let me be a part of it.

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”
(John 6:51)

Dust

Another week has flown by in east Africa and I am becoming alarmingly aware of how little time I have left. I have officially changed ministries and living arrangements once again. And, have already been blessed with new friendships with the Kenyans I am working with.

This weekend I was able to go up to Karatina to help with some training and teaching. The seminar was on leadership and learning to run small groups. There was a video used in the teachings called “Dust”. It dealt with the phrase, “take my yoke” and “may you be covered in the dust of your rabbi.” I am going to try to explain it as it opened my eyes to some new truths.

The guy in the video starts off explaining that in the Jewish tradition that most boys didn’t get schooling beyond 10 and that only the best went on from there. Then from the next break only the best of the best. It ends up that only the very best students were chosen to be a disciple of a rabbi. When the student would go to the rabbi and ask to be his disciple, the student would be asked a lot of questions. If the rabbi thought you were good/smart enough to learn to do what he does then you could follow him. That means… that when Jesus approached James and John while they were fishing, they had already been rejected by a rabbi. So, when Jesus called out to them to follow him… of course they go running because it is every Jewish boy’s desire to be a disciple of a rabbi and these boys had already been rejected. It also meant that Jesus was saying .. he thought they had what it takes to do the things he was doing… to learn and follow him. He thought they were good enough… He believed in them. It is the same today… when the Lord called us, He believed we could learn from him and do what he called us to do. Why he would ever believe in me is beyond my understanding. I fail and mess up… I am weak and stubborn, I am a ragamuffin. But…still He called out to me and invited me to walk in his footsteps. Satan has begun throwing fear back into mix for me. As I see my time coming to a close in Kenya and this huge black hole of a future waiting for me as soon as I return, I become a little overwhelmed. I begin doubting who I am and if I have what it takes. The lies of the deceiver fill my mind and I must remind myself that the Lord is in control. For me, to know that my Lord believes I have what it takes is the most comforting thought. I only pray that I will follow so closely in His steps that I will be covered with the "dust of my rabbi."

And Now It Has Lifted!!

Oh Father, hasten the day that I might bow down at your throne and worship you in every tongue, every language. Yesterday, I had the joy of worshiping you in English, Kiswahili, Hindi, and Congolese. Many times I did not know exactly what the words meant. I only knew that your spirit was moving and at work in those who were gathered. As I listened to the Congolese refugees sing praises to your name I realized that I could hardly wait for Heaven. In Revelations 15:4 it says, “Who will not fear you, O Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before you, for your righteous acts have been revealed.” What a joy and a privilege to worship with all nations!

This week starts a new phase of my time in Kenya. I will meet with 3 new ministries again to nail down what and when. I have moved into a new place in Nairobi and am learning contentment in living in the city. At times I miss taking baths from a bucket and hand washing my clothes. I don’t know that I thought that would ever happen. It is amazing how God moves in our lives to bring satisfaction and joy in our circumstances. I am hopeful for the last two months of my time in this country. I pray that the Lord reveals Himself in more ways. I pray that I will not hesitate to pour out all that I am for the glory of the cross.

I am so thankful for your prayers and support as the Lord has moved me and challenged my faith. I have struggled with love, contentment, forgiveness, and flexibility. The Lord has removed comfort and stability so that I might come running back to Him. It is always an incredible feeling when we rest in His arms once more. I remember the words of yet another song, “I am safe within your arms Lord, I’ve become a child again. I’ve come back to the source of love so healing can begin. Tough the world may say, I must be strong and prove my worth--- by what I do. I will run to you, in your embrace and find my strength in you.” Join me in praise and adoration of the gospel of Hope!

The Cloud Has Found Me

Today brings to a close my time in Kijabe. I decided I would take advantage of the view one last time to write this blog and reflect on my time in the hospital. It seems this month has brought about some tough lessons. It started with the blog about my loneliness. I spent the first two weeks in Kijabe completely alone in the afternoons and nights. The wind made so much noise at times I couldn’t sleep for fear. Other times it was so completely quiet, it was deafening. The time provided great times with the Lord as I was able to hear the “still, small voice”. Because of the loneliness, I spent most weekends in Nairobi at the SIM compound. I enjoyed the fellowship so much as it was something I do not have the opportunity for up country. Friendships were developed and strengthened and the loneliness was quenched. However, as I’ve heard… “Too much of a good thing…” became true.

This past week has rocked me. Emotionally and spiritually I fell apart. Since being in Kenya, I have been able to hold on to rational thoughts but this week that was no longer true. In this month, I have said goodbye to my mentor and her husband (my family in Kerugoya), my SIMpact friends, Kijabe, and more friends to come. And, received news that the opportunity of returning to Kerugoya is uncertain. Stability in my world was lost. I felt the Lord pull the carpet out from under my feet and this week has been the results of the long, unexpected fall. Today, there is perspective. (Praise the Lord). This month, I turned to friendships for support and stability. I looked to these relationships for joy to bite the pain of being alone. However, when those things end, as they all eventually will, we’re left with the same uncertainty and loneliness that we faced in the beginning. But, now it is magnified by feelings of being “left”.

The past two days the Lord has slowly been restoring my stability. Not in knowing the future, but in knowing who holds the future. My mother and I love to recite a song the choir sings, and it has been appropriate for my life this week. “One step He leads, and one step I”ll follow. He knows my needs and He will supply. I don’t know the future or all that’s in store, so I’ll take one step, one step, to follow my Lord.”

Yesterday as I was praying and questioning the next phase of this journey, I read Psalms 105. By no means did it really answer the questions but it provided clarity. “Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” (Psalm 105: 1-4). I was reminded that I have a purpose here. My time is not done and I am not ready to leave. Regardless of where I will be for the rest of the time, I will “make known among the nations what he has done.” When my focus turned from me and pitying myself, praises were free to pour forth. My heart was encouraged as I praised the Lord for this struggle. I will wait as He lays out the next step.

Definitely, So True

“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.” (2 Corinthians 2: 14-15)

This past weekend was packed with travel, excitement, laughter, sorrow, questions, love, and reassurance. On Friday, four other SIMpacters and I left on a 10 hour bus ride to Uganda. Our agenda was to arrive in Jinja, Uganda Friday evening, stay in a hostile type hotel, raft the NILE on Saturday, and return to Nairobi on Sunday. Most of these things happened without any problems but there were a few changes to the plans. We did arrive in Jinja on Friday as scheduled and had the opportunity to hang out at the rafting headquarters that night. This provided our first conversations with Ugandan citizens. They were two girls who were just hanging out after work and provided useful information about language, tribes, and history in Uganda. Hope and Charity provided our first knowledge of the feelings of Christian missionaries in their country. But, I will get to that. I must rewind a little to express what was already consuming my thoughts by this point. After going through customs, we began the 2 or so hour drive through Uganda to our destination. At first it appeared just like Kenya with less trash lining the roadside. However, as we continued inward, I felt as though we were bombarded with noticeably more poverty and hopelessness. Beautiful women and children appeared everywhere, half dressed with swollen bellies and no shoes. Most of the houses were mud huts or houses made with handmade mud bricks. Very few material possessions and most were probably hungry. I stared out the window of the bus feeling drawn to these people. Instantly, I wanted to give all I could to improve their lives and change the current situation but, simultaneously, knowing that I could not offer enough material possessions to ever change their world. It was frustration as I questioned the Lord and missions altogether. I wondered why. I began to think that nothing could ever change this for these people. I continued on through the weekend battling these thoughts and questions. I knew the answer was the gospel but I couldn’t reconcile in my mind what that would change in the present tense. Eternally, their lives would be changed forever, but my mind and heart was still struggling with the here and now.
On Saturday we headed off to white water raft the White Nile. We were standing around waiting to be assigned a boat and a guide when one of the guides, Juma, approached me and told me that our group was to get in his boat. As we pushed off into the water, the small talk began. “Why are you in Uganda? What are you doing in Kenya? Oh, you’re missionaries?” Juma began to make many missionary jokes. He even tried to switch boats saying that it was “company policy that he was not to take missionaries in his boat.” We laughed it off and joked back before the rafting began. Little did we know at the time that Juma had some missionaries rafting in his boat a few weeks prior to us that shared the gospel with him. During our lunch break, he began asking questions, serious questions. The Lord opened the door for us to share our hearts and the gospel again to Juma. We found out later that there was actually another man on the trip who had a book for Juma that was sent from the previous missionary. It is completely amazing how the Lord works all things together. Juma did his best to test us that day as he flipped our boat most every rapid. The rafting was incredible and bigger and better than any rafting I’ve done in the States. I was even scared at one point and dared asked to get out of the boat for just one rapid. However, Juma refused and I am so glad now. I would venture to say that the appropriate description of what we did on Saturday in the Nile would be, white water swimming. We definitely swam more of the class 5 rapids than we rafted. Praise the Lord for his safety and sovereignty.
This brings us to Sunday, the return back to Nairobi. As with everything in Africa, there is no hurry. “Hakuna Haraka Africa!” (There is no hurry in Africa). As Austin, Katie, and I waited for the bus to pick us up, we had a lot of time to talk. I posed my questions from earlier in the weekend to them. We talked about what we have seen in Kenya and Uganda and our role as we serve. They both have been in Kenya for 9 months now and I felt as if they had dealt with this question at some point. We talked about those answers in which my heart knew were true. The importance of confirming eternity for these people and the hope that eternity could provide. However, Katie said it best when she stated it this way. “If all we can do is love, at least we can provide moments of joy, glimpses of heaven, for these people.”

I may not be able to change the world, but I can burn my candle out providing “moments of joy, glimpses of heaven” by taking the love of Christ to the world.



[ I do ask that you continue to pray for this country as fighting continues in different areas. Currently, the area that I am usually in is struggling and living in fear. Pray that the God of all peace speaks out across the village. Pray for God’s protection over Grace and the girls as they are spread through out the district during school break.]

My Redeemer Lives

This Easter Sunday was celebrated by a sunrise service up at RVA (Rift Valley Academy). There is a beautiful view overlooking the Rift from the field and that is exactly where the service was held. Most of the people present were Mzungus who are serving at the hospital, the academy, or Moffat Bible College. I am always amazed to see the number of families the Lord has mobilized just for Kenya alone. Anyway, the service was held at 6:30 and positioned right at the pretties overlook when the sun appeared. ( In Kenya the sun doesn't rise and set, it just appears and disappears.) The service began with worshiping through music and I remember thinking... "Is this really happening, am i really celebrating Easter in Kenya?" I pray I will never forget. The message focused on the importanceof the resurrection. And, it drove home the idea that without the resurrection, the crucifixion is nothing more than death, it would never have counted as our sacrifice. It still blows my mind that millions of people move and leave their home to go and tell others about the events we celebrated this weekend. That millions of people all over the world are battling the powers of darkness on behalf of people in foreign lands. I still have trouble understanding, that because of the resurrection, people in countries all over the world will send their hard earned money to another land in homes of spreading the gospel.

After the service we went into the "fireside" room for a potluck breakfast. There was tons of food and I am still impressed that people were able to make some of those things in Kenya. I made homemade banana crumb muffins and they were divine! There was actually a fire burning, and I am certain that is the first time I've stood by a fire and chatted on Easter Sunday. The service was simple. No Easter lillies, crosses, or fancy dresses not even pews or chairs. I am learning what it is to be ushered into the presence of our Lord. Right there on that mountain side, I was able to sit at the feet of my Savior and friend. I missed the beautiful service this past sun day and I missed Handel's "Messiah" but I still joined you all at the throne of Jesus. I do pray that I might celebrate many more Easter holidays on this continent! Praise God, my redeemer lives!

Growing up is Hard to do!

Growing up has become a process of lessons to I have had to learn. And, at times it seems I revisit some of the teachings. Being in Kijabe this past week, has pushed some of those issues into the forefront of my mind. One of those issues is loneliness. I have always been pretty independent and even hated that at times. But I realize now without the ability to travel through events and days alone, I would have never made it in Kenya. Not because everyone who comes is “Independent” but because the places and task that God has called me to in Kenya have forced me to rely on “Christ Alone”. So maybe a better definition of me has become dependent on the presence of our Lord. However, there are still times when the realization of being in a foreign country alone comes crashing things to a halt. A lot of times it the idea that there is no one to share your experiences with directly. If I see or hear something in a day, I can’t go home and tell someone. Or the fact that I am scared of the dark and have had to face many nights in Kijabe alone wondering if the noises I hear are just caused by wind or worse.

The worse experience was on Sunday when I was leaving Nairobi. I was blessed enough to be able to spend the weekend with a SIM family from Georgia. It was completely spontaneous but turned out to be a really encouraging time for me. As I sat on the matatu heading back to Kijabe I realized that no one in Kijabe would be waiting for me to return. In a flash, I sunk into serious self pity. It became easy to think of how it would be back home and who would be waiting for my arrival in Senatobia (i.e. Mother!). Tears came to my eyes and I was dreading returning to Kijabe. It was extremely strange because I loved my week at the hospital and had no reason to not want to go back. I began to pray that the Lord would forgive me and remind me of his presence, that God would remove the fear and lies of satan so that I could hear clearly. Within the hour, the Lord had removed the cloud of darkness and reminded me of the joy to be found in all stages/places of life. I have been amazed at the answering of prayer. Either, I have never prayed like this before, or I’ve been too busy to stop and notice the response of the Lord. Either way, I pray that my eyes will be forever opened and that my heart would become lost in the heart of my Father.

Up, Down, and All Around

So much has happened since the turkey story, I am not even sure where to begin. This past weekend, I took a trip into Northern Kenya. The place was called Isiolo and is the last place north you can drive safely. After Isiolo, you need a police escort on the road due to the number of bandits. Isiolo is considered dry country and has heavy Islamic presence. There are several tribal groups present in the North that are also present in southern Ethiopia. Once you make the turn to head into the village, the bumping begins. The roads are all gravel or sand and pretty rough. Also, camels and thorny bushes become the norm on the side of the road. It is definitely hot there but it is dry heat so it still doesn’t have anything on Mississippi in July and August. Humidity is not something I have missed! I loved the people and area. The women are beautiful and there is such a need for medical care.

On Monday, I relocated to Kijabe. Kijabe is a village located on the slope of the Rift Valley, so it overlooks the valley and is beautiful. It is also cooler here due to the wind and elevation. I am living in a guesthouse within walking distance from Kijabe Hospital where I am working each day. I am just helping with a database in the nursery. I will be here throughout the month of April helping and hopefully I’ll get to observe some. The children go back to visit relatives during their school holiday in April. I am extremely interested in learning what medical missions looks like so this was a great opportunity. Also, any information that I can gather to better educate myself is a plus. It amazes me, every time I enter into a hospital ward, how eager I am to start school so that I can be the one at the bedside talking about treatments and “how to proceed”. I never realize how much I love it, until I’m in it. At Kijabe, medicine is even more interesting because you are treating patients from a country you will never belong to, and you’re working next to individuals from all over the world. It’s such a testament to the family of Christ.

Well… I have halfway through my time here in Kenya and can believe the first half went by so quickly. Of course, I would not have realized it was the halfway mark if my mother and Pam had not taken upon themselves to mark the very day on the calendar! I would like to say thank you again for all your prayers and support. I have been encouraged daily by the calendar so many of you filled out. And, the letters and emails from home have been such a blessing to my spirit. You will never understand how much it has meant to know that I have a group of believers completely behind me, halfway around the world. I look forward to what the Lord has in store for the next half of my time and pray that I will be obedient to the leadership of the Spirit.

Winner, Winner, TURKEY dinner!

I am aware that the question on most people’s mind is… “What happened to that crazy turkey?” Well, I am here to report that I did have a meat meal yesterday! And yes, it was turkey! Now, I am sure you are wondering, “Who killed that turkey?” As you may guess, there is not a meat processing plant down town where you take your animals, leave for a few hours, and return with beautiful butterball turkeys with thermometers in them. Nope, you have to kill it, de-feather it, and gut it yourself. Once again, please keep in mind that I am not from a farm area. So, on Wednesday we set out to prepare Tom for dinner the next day. Luckily, Mr. Mike had removed a few “necks” before so he took the liberty of making the first chop. I joined in to remove the feathers and the “middle”! I must admit that the experience was… well… interesting. If I am ever present at a Thanksgiving celebration that does not know how to remove the feathers or prepare a turkey, I’ll be ready. Once the meat inspection was over and the turkey was deemed “good enough to eat”, I proceed to have a biology lab class for John. You guessed it, this included walking through the anatomy of the bird, hands on of course. I am so thankful to the Buddingtons who gave me the initial experience. And, Dr. Buddington if you are reading this you will be glad to know that I asked what shape the colon took in the bird and everyone (including the vet) looked at me like I had three heads.

As for other interesting news, last night was quite the…celebration? Around mid-night I was startled by the booming sounds of explosion. My heart immediately started pounding and preparing for the war cries. I was just taken by such surprise that I had no idea was the noise could be. It was shaking the house! I was at Mrs. Terry’s and turned to ask her what it was. We proceeded to go outside (why, because we’re just like white people in scary movies!) to check out the situation. In the near distance, we could see fire explosions and hear the boom. We watched for about 45 minutes as every speculated to what the cause could be. The original idea was that they were fireworks from the Asian community that might be having a celebration of some kind. This made since to the locals because that had happened before. However, I kept asking if fireworks look like FIRE! Eventually, we learned that a government building that has gas containers in it for the use of the government had exploded. Somehow the building caught on fire and all the cylinders begin to explode at random after that. Oh but wow, the commotion. I really felt like I should have been writing the star-spangled banner from the safe distance of shore as I watched the explosions, smoke, and horrible noise rise up.
Once the excitement settled down, we took the moment to look up at the stars. The night is so dark in Kenya and the stars are absolutely beautiful. They seem to extend from the highest sky to the point of connection between sky and ground. It’s Amazing! Some things never cease to amaze me, “as I consider all the worlds thy hands have mad

Turkey Circus

I must begin with a misclaimer! I am from Senatobia which is not exactly a metropolitan city, but I did not grow up on a farm or around a lot of farm animals. So, the only chicken I’ve ever held was dead or the small chick at my friend’s farm. I’ve never personally milked a cow, or gathered eggs from the coop.

Now for the narrative: Grace, Susan, and I are on our way back from a place called Embu. We are on a matatu, which is extremely dangerous and stressful. Grace turns to me and says, we need to stop in Kutus to get a Turkey. Huh? “There is a lady in Kutus who wants to give us a one of the Turkeys she’s been raising.” Oh, well that makes sense, right? Naturally I ask, “Is it dead or alive?” She responds as if there is only one answer… “ALIVE”. OH, okay… no big deal! Ha! Now image with me you hop off the matatu and walk about 2 kilometers to a little dirt road. We turn onto this dirt road and it is covered on both sides with banana trees, flowers, and all kinds of vegetation. It is absolutely beautiful! We walk and walk and wind and walk until finally we reach this lady’s shamba. We sit and have lunch chat until it’s time to go. Grace turns to me and says, “How are we going to get this turkey back?” At this point there is one choice, we’re going to carry it. I immediately phone Mr. Mike to see if he can meet us on the main road because no matatu would dare pick us up with a live turkey. He agrees and we gather our things to head to the road. Sweet Nancy decides she’ll let me pick out the turkey she is going to give her. Now listen, my only experience with a turkey is one that comes processed in a package labeled deli meat or one that my dad has deep fried for the holidays. I laughed and said, “Well, since I have to carry it, please not a huge one.” She chases it down in a display that quickly makes me aware of the challenge before me. She hands it to me to hold so she can bound it’s feet. So here I am in Kutus, Kenya holding a turkey under it’s wings getting read to carry it about 2 miles. Turkey’s are not light!!! And their neck is very flexible making it completely possible to peck at your hand while you are carrying it. I walked faster than I ever have to get to the road to get this turkey in the van. However, once in the van, the crazy bird had to be held down so he didn’t go psycho during the trip. We finally arrive at BCH after a detour for the camera because Mr. Mike was dying to have a picture of me carrying this turkey. I wrestle it out of the van and during the process knock the binding off its feet. While I’m holding the turkey up, John reties its feet together. ( I’m calling it, it because I have no idea if it is a him or her!) I go to put it down thinking, well, it will flap its wings for a second but will stop when it realizes it can’t go anywhere. Then we can put it in the cage that was made. WRONG!!! That turkey had his feet unbound within 3 seconds flat and was off! In all my wisdom, I access the situation. I quickly reassure everyone that turkeys can’t fly so it’ll be fine. WRONG!!! Turkeys can’t fly but they sure can move. He moved right through the hedge into the neighbor’s shamba. John and I take off to capture our dinner. He has moved beyond their yard into the back neighbor’s land. So, John and I quickly make our way through the barbed wire as Mr. Mike joins us with the camera. That bird took us all over the place and just enjoyed his freedom the entire time…Until, it all ended dramatically with Grace coming out of no where to catch the bird by the neck. She caught it and handed him up to the professional turkey carrier! HA! It was hilarious! One of those moments I thought, I am really in Kenya and yes… I am really carrying a live turkey! Don’t worry… most of it was caught on camera!!