Today brings to a close my time in Kijabe. I decided I would take advantage of the view one last time to write this blog and reflect on my time in the hospital. It seems this month has brought about some tough lessons. It started with the blog about my loneliness. I spent the first two weeks in Kijabe completely alone in the afternoons and nights. The wind made so much noise at times I couldn’t sleep for fear. Other times it was so completely quiet, it was deafening. The time provided great times with the Lord as I was able to hear the “still, small voice”. Because of the loneliness, I spent most weekends in Nairobi at the SIM compound. I enjoyed the fellowship so much as it was something I do not have the opportunity for up country. Friendships were developed and strengthened and the loneliness was quenched. However, as I’ve heard… “Too much of a good thing…” became true.
This past week has rocked me. Emotionally and spiritually I fell apart. Since being in Kenya, I have been able to hold on to rational thoughts but this week that was no longer true. In this month, I have said goodbye to my mentor and her husband (my family in Kerugoya), my SIMpact friends, Kijabe, and more friends to come. And, received news that the opportunity of returning to Kerugoya is uncertain. Stability in my world was lost. I felt the Lord pull the carpet out from under my feet and this week has been the results of the long, unexpected fall. Today, there is perspective. (Praise the Lord). This month, I turned to friendships for support and stability. I looked to these relationships for joy to bite the pain of being alone. However, when those things end, as they all eventually will, we’re left with the same uncertainty and loneliness that we faced in the beginning. But, now it is magnified by feelings of being “left”.
The past two days the Lord has slowly been restoring my stability. Not in knowing the future, but in knowing who holds the future. My mother and I love to recite a song the choir sings, and it has been appropriate for my life this week. “One step He leads, and one step I”ll follow. He knows my needs and He will supply. I don’t know the future or all that’s in store, so I’ll take one step, one step, to follow my Lord.”
Yesterday as I was praying and questioning the next phase of this journey, I read Psalms 105. By no means did it really answer the questions but it provided clarity. “Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” (Psalm 105: 1-4). I was reminded that I have a purpose here. My time is not done and I am not ready to leave. Regardless of where I will be for the rest of the time, I will “make known among the nations what he has done.” When my focus turned from me and pitying myself, praises were free to pour forth. My heart was encouraged as I praised the Lord for this struggle. I will wait as He lays out the next step.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Definitely, So True
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“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.” (2 Corinthians 2: 14-15)
This past weekend was packed with travel, excitement, laughter, sorrow, questions, love, and reassurance. On Friday, four other SIMpacters and I left on a 10 hour bus ride to Uganda. Our agenda was to arrive in Jinja, Uganda Friday evening, stay in a hostile type hotel, raft the NILE on Saturday, and return to Nairobi on Sunday. Most of these things happened without any problems but there were a few changes to the plans. We did arrive in Jinja on Friday as scheduled and had the opportunity to hang out at the rafting headquarters that night. This provided our first conversations with Ugandan citizens. They were two girls who were just hanging out after work and provided useful information about language, tribes, and history in Uganda. Hope and Charity provided our first knowledge of the feelings of Christian missionaries in their country. But, I will get to that. I must rewind a little to express what was already consuming my thoughts by this point. After going through customs, we began the 2 or so hour drive through Uganda to our destination. At first it appeared just like Kenya with less trash lining the roadside. However, as we continued inward, I felt as though we were bombarded with noticeably more poverty and hopelessness. Beautiful women and children appeared everywhere, half dressed with swollen bellies and no shoes. Most of the houses were mud huts or houses made with handmade mud bricks. Very few material possessions and most were probably hungry. I stared out the window of the bus feeling drawn to these people. Instantly, I wanted to give all I could to improve their lives and change the current situation but, simultaneously, knowing that I could not offer enough material possessions to ever change their world. It was frustration as I questioned the Lord and missions altogether. I wondered why. I began to think that nothing could ever change this for these people. I continued on through the weekend battling these thoughts and questions. I knew the answer was the gospel but I couldn’t reconcile in my mind what that would change in the present tense. Eternally, their lives would be changed forever, but my mind and heart was still struggling with the here and now.
On Saturday we headed off to white water raft the White Nile. We were standing around waiting to be assigned a boat and a guide when one of the guides, Juma, approached me and told me that our group was to get in his boat. As we pushed off into the water, the small talk began. “Why are you in Uganda? What are you doing in Kenya? Oh, you’re missionaries?” Juma began to make many missionary jokes. He even tried to switch boats saying that it was “company policy that he was not to take missionaries in his boat.” We laughed it off and joked back before the rafting began. Little did we know at the time that Juma had some missionaries rafting in his boat a few weeks prior to us that shared the gospel with him. During our lunch break, he began asking questions, serious questions. The Lord opened the door for us to share our hearts and the gospel again to Juma. We found out later that there was actually another man on the trip who had a book for Juma that was sent from the previous missionary. It is completely amazing how the Lord works all things together. Juma did his best to test us that day as he flipped our boat most every rapid. The rafting was incredible and bigger and better than any rafting I’ve done in the States. I was even scared at one point and dared asked to get out of the boat for just one rapid. However, Juma refused and I am so glad now. I would venture to say that the appropriate description of what we did on Saturday in the Nile would be, white water swimming. We definitely swam more of the class 5 rapids than we rafted. Praise the Lord for his safety and sovereignty.
This brings us to Sunday, the return back to Nairobi. As with everything in Africa, there is no hurry. “Hakuna Haraka Africa!” (There is no hurry in Africa). As Austin, Katie, and I waited for the bus to pick us up, we had a lot of time to talk. I posed my questions from earlier in the weekend to them. We talked about what we have seen in Kenya and Uganda and our role as we serve. They both have been in Kenya for 9 months now and I felt as if they had dealt with this question at some point. We talked about those answers in which my heart knew were true. The importance of confirming eternity for these people and the hope that eternity could provide. However, Katie said it best when she stated it this way. “If all we can do is love, at least we can provide moments of joy, glimpses of heaven, for these people.”
I may not be able to change the world, but I can burn my candle out providing “moments of joy, glimpses of heaven” by taking the love of Christ to the world.
+042.jpg)
[ I do ask that you continue to pray for this country as fighting continues in different areas. Currently, the area that I am usually in is struggling and living in fear. Pray that the God of all peace speaks out across the village. Pray for God’s protection over Grace and the girls as they are spread through out the district during school break.]
This past weekend was packed with travel, excitement, laughter, sorrow, questions, love, and reassurance. On Friday, four other SIMpacters and I left on a 10 hour bus ride to Uganda. Our agenda was to arrive in Jinja, Uganda Friday evening, stay in a hostile type hotel, raft the NILE on Saturday, and return to Nairobi on Sunday. Most of these things happened without any problems but there were a few changes to the plans. We did arrive in Jinja on Friday as scheduled and had the opportunity to hang out at the rafting headquarters that night. This provided our first conversations with Ugandan citizens. They were two girls who were just hanging out after work and provided useful information about language, tribes, and history in Uganda. Hope and Charity provided our first knowledge of the feelings of Christian missionaries in their country. But, I will get to that. I must rewind a little to express what was already consuming my thoughts by this point. After going through customs, we began the 2 or so hour drive through Uganda to our destination. At first it appeared just like Kenya with less trash lining the roadside. However, as we continued inward, I felt as though we were bombarded with noticeably more poverty and hopelessness. Beautiful women and children appeared everywhere, half dressed with swollen bellies and no shoes. Most of the houses were mud huts or houses made with handmade mud bricks. Very few material possessions and most were probably hungry. I stared out the window of the bus feeling drawn to these people. Instantly, I wanted to give all I could to improve their lives and change the current situation but, simultaneously, knowing that I could not offer enough material possessions to ever change their world. It was frustration as I questioned the Lord and missions altogether. I wondered why. I began to think that nothing could ever change this for these people. I continued on through the weekend battling these thoughts and questions. I knew the answer was the gospel but I couldn’t reconcile in my mind what that would change in the present tense. Eternally, their lives would be changed forever, but my mind and heart was still struggling with the here and now.
On Saturday we headed off to white water raft the White Nile. We were standing around waiting to be assigned a boat and a guide when one of the guides, Juma, approached me and told me that our group was to get in his boat. As we pushed off into the water, the small talk began. “Why are you in Uganda? What are you doing in Kenya? Oh, you’re missionaries?” Juma began to make many missionary jokes. He even tried to switch boats saying that it was “company policy that he was not to take missionaries in his boat.” We laughed it off and joked back before the rafting began. Little did we know at the time that Juma had some missionaries rafting in his boat a few weeks prior to us that shared the gospel with him. During our lunch break, he began asking questions, serious questions. The Lord opened the door for us to share our hearts and the gospel again to Juma. We found out later that there was actually another man on the trip who had a book for Juma that was sent from the previous missionary. It is completely amazing how the Lord works all things together. Juma did his best to test us that day as he flipped our boat most every rapid. The rafting was incredible and bigger and better than any rafting I’ve done in the States. I was even scared at one point and dared asked to get out of the boat for just one rapid. However, Juma refused and I am so glad now. I would venture to say that the appropriate description of what we did on Saturday in the Nile would be, white water swimming. We definitely swam more of the class 5 rapids than we rafted. Praise the Lord for his safety and sovereignty.
This brings us to Sunday, the return back to Nairobi. As with everything in Africa, there is no hurry. “Hakuna Haraka Africa!” (There is no hurry in Africa). As Austin, Katie, and I waited for the bus to pick us up, we had a lot of time to talk. I posed my questions from earlier in the weekend to them. We talked about what we have seen in Kenya and Uganda and our role as we serve. They both have been in Kenya for 9 months now and I felt as if they had dealt with this question at some point. We talked about those answers in which my heart knew were true. The importance of confirming eternity for these people and the hope that eternity could provide. However, Katie said it best when she stated it this way. “If all we can do is love, at least we can provide moments of joy, glimpses of heaven, for these people.”
I may not be able to change the world, but I can burn my candle out providing “moments of joy, glimpses of heaven” by taking the love of Christ to the world.
+042.jpg)
[ I do ask that you continue to pray for this country as fighting continues in different areas. Currently, the area that I am usually in is struggling and living in fear. Pray that the God of all peace speaks out across the village. Pray for God’s protection over Grace and the girls as they are spread through out the district during school break.]
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The View: Mount Kenya
