Today brings to a close my time in Kijabe. I decided I would take advantage of the view one last time to write this blog and reflect on my time in the hospital. It seems this month has brought about some tough lessons. It started with the blog about my loneliness. I spent the first two weeks in Kijabe completely alone in the afternoons and nights. The wind made so much noise at times I couldn’t sleep for fear. Other times it was so completely quiet, it was deafening. The time provided great times with the Lord as I was able to hear the “still, small voice”. Because of the loneliness, I spent most weekends in Nairobi at the SIM compound. I enjoyed the fellowship so much as it was something I do not have the opportunity for up country. Friendships were developed and strengthened and the loneliness was quenched. However, as I’ve heard… “Too much of a good thing…” became true.
This past week has rocked me. Emotionally and spiritually I fell apart. Since being in Kenya, I have been able to hold on to rational thoughts but this week that was no longer true. In this month, I have said goodbye to my mentor and her husband (my family in Kerugoya), my SIMpact friends, Kijabe, and more friends to come. And, received news that the opportunity of returning to Kerugoya is uncertain. Stability in my world was lost. I felt the Lord pull the carpet out from under my feet and this week has been the results of the long, unexpected fall. Today, there is perspective. (Praise the Lord). This month, I turned to friendships for support and stability. I looked to these relationships for joy to bite the pain of being alone. However, when those things end, as they all eventually will, we’re left with the same uncertainty and loneliness that we faced in the beginning. But, now it is magnified by feelings of being “left”.
The past two days the Lord has slowly been restoring my stability. Not in knowing the future, but in knowing who holds the future. My mother and I love to recite a song the choir sings, and it has been appropriate for my life this week. “One step He leads, and one step I”ll follow. He knows my needs and He will supply. I don’t know the future or all that’s in store, so I’ll take one step, one step, to follow my Lord.”
Yesterday as I was praying and questioning the next phase of this journey, I read Psalms 105. By no means did it really answer the questions but it provided clarity. “Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” (Psalm 105: 1-4). I was reminded that I have a purpose here. My time is not done and I am not ready to leave. Regardless of where I will be for the rest of the time, I will “make known among the nations what he has done.” When my focus turned from me and pitying myself, praises were free to pour forth. My heart was encouraged as I praised the Lord for this struggle. I will wait as He lays out the next step.
8 comments:
Gracious, child! I keep thinking that you can't surprise/impress/amaze me anymore and then, I read another account of true transformation that most of us only dream of. You are spiritually 'skies above' most of the people we know. Again, I am thrilled with the use of our beautiful language to express to people who love you what this experience is doing in your life and we 'can only imagine' what you have done in the lives of others. THIS is why I always tell you to be joyful. Happiness is fleeting, but joy comes from the Lord. I love you
Be Joyful
Pam
Hi, Meghan!
"Like cold water to a weary soul, so is good news from a distant land." ( Proverbs 25:25) Hearing news from you while you are in a distant land was truly refreshing to my soul, for I've anxiously awaited your next update! There's a devotional that I recently read in one of the books your Mom gave me (she's pretty famous for giving devotional books, you know) that's entitled "Seeing Above the Clouds" by Charles Swindoll. He says "when God is in clear focus, His powerful presence eclipses our fear. The clouds become nothing more than 'the dust of His feet' (Nahum 1:3). I love you and pray for you daily.
"Miss" Nancy
Hey Meg! I am as always intrigued by the stories that you relate to us. I only wish that we could be there with you to experience it as well. Can't wait to see you again! Tristan says, "Jesus loves you!" and so do we!
Kim and the Boys
Meghan, Just wanted you to know that the Lord brings you to my mind very often which means that I always pray for you each time. Your strength in your loneliness is a great inspiration to me. I know that God will continue to grace you with the strength you need to be faithful to His calling. I have a feeling that when you get home, we'll be able to see the spiritual glow that will surround you because of the deep fellowship that you've had with our God, that only comes when all else is stripped away. I will pray that the clouds will soon be lifted from your sweet heart. We love you, Rosemary
I just praise the Lord in what he is doing in you and through you. I am so glad we have the means to hear about what is happening. We all need to keep our focus on the Lord and trust him every minute.
We are praying for you each day and we love you. Garth
you're living the life meghan. currently i'm listening to this show sing amazing grace and i completely believe that song is overused the world. they have no idea. grace that teaches us to fear, that relieves all such fear. that is supernatural. its supernatural and unexplainable that God would have you read Psalm 105 during this "learning/suffering" moment in your life. we know that psalm goes on to tell how God keeps his covenant, his word; how God tells the enemy not to "touch his anointed ones." He is the God who puts his anointed ones through pain allowing them to experience bondage and hunger "until the time when His word comes to pass" then everything changes for those anointed ones. my mom's right... you will glow and are glowing.
Sweet Meghan, As I read your last two posts, I realized what a soldier you are. Our Father has you in a difficult boot-camp of life and is shaping you to the image of Jesus. You are obedient to use the Word as your basic training tool and He is honoring your faithfulness. My mother-of-adult-children heart hurts for the situations you are placed in, but I rejoice in the way you respond to His voice and align your thoughts with His in the midst of difficult times. By sharing your "training" you are helping all of us to remember that in following our LORD, it is step-by-step . . . always. Thank you!
May mercy, peace and love be multiplied to you.
Love and Prayers,
Janie
Surprise, Meghan!
This verse jumped right out of a book I have been reading: "The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deut. 31:8).
Dr. Bozeman shared your last email with us at church tonight--how you have a tough decision to make about the last two months of your time in Kenya. We all prayed for you to have clarity from the LORD and to have PEACE once the decision is made. Remember that one of the biggest words in missionary service (and life) is
f-l-e-x-i-b-i-l-i-t-y. Sometimes things do not work out as originally planned--God has known it all along, so He is not surprised or thrown off by it.
I love reading your blogs. Your unique style keeps me reading and looking for more...
Try not to fret about your decision. Pray about it, think about it, but do not belabor it, do not let it eat at you. Meghan, sometimes I think that we believe that there is one and only one right decision when it is not necessarily so. Make your choice based upon the best knowledge you have, and I believe that God will honor your decision and give you peace about it.
I love you and miss you. I see your sweet self smiling at me from my bookmark every day and I just love it!
That verse from Nahum that Miss Nancy referenced is GREAT!!!
I am praying for you...
Miss Ruth
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