Growing up is Hard to do!

Growing up has become a process of lessons to I have had to learn. And, at times it seems I revisit some of the teachings. Being in Kijabe this past week, has pushed some of those issues into the forefront of my mind. One of those issues is loneliness. I have always been pretty independent and even hated that at times. But I realize now without the ability to travel through events and days alone, I would have never made it in Kenya. Not because everyone who comes is “Independent” but because the places and task that God has called me to in Kenya have forced me to rely on “Christ Alone”. So maybe a better definition of me has become dependent on the presence of our Lord. However, there are still times when the realization of being in a foreign country alone comes crashing things to a halt. A lot of times it the idea that there is no one to share your experiences with directly. If I see or hear something in a day, I can’t go home and tell someone. Or the fact that I am scared of the dark and have had to face many nights in Kijabe alone wondering if the noises I hear are just caused by wind or worse.

The worse experience was on Sunday when I was leaving Nairobi. I was blessed enough to be able to spend the weekend with a SIM family from Georgia. It was completely spontaneous but turned out to be a really encouraging time for me. As I sat on the matatu heading back to Kijabe I realized that no one in Kijabe would be waiting for me to return. In a flash, I sunk into serious self pity. It became easy to think of how it would be back home and who would be waiting for my arrival in Senatobia (i.e. Mother!). Tears came to my eyes and I was dreading returning to Kijabe. It was extremely strange because I loved my week at the hospital and had no reason to not want to go back. I began to pray that the Lord would forgive me and remind me of his presence, that God would remove the fear and lies of satan so that I could hear clearly. Within the hour, the Lord had removed the cloud of darkness and reminded me of the joy to be found in all stages/places of life. I have been amazed at the answering of prayer. Either, I have never prayed like this before, or I’ve been too busy to stop and notice the response of the Lord. Either way, I pray that my eyes will be forever opened and that my heart would become lost in the heart of my Father.